Aristocratic Rockstar :

Aristocratic Rockstars Don't Pay for Software

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 22:38:00 +0000

Aristocratic Rockstars love things that are free — you can often find us scrounging the free section of craigslist, lustfully eying the curb on trash night, or showing up at university-sponsored grad student parties. But one of the coolest things to get for free doesn’t require risking bedbugs or theoretical monologues — in fact, you can get it without getting up from wherever you are right now — it’s software!

In the software world, there are two kinds of freedom—free as in speech (the ideological freedom I have to say whatever I want in this post, or to access the source code of the program I’m using) or free as in beer (the monetary freedom of the booze at the aforementioned sponsored parties). The sweet thing is that these two kinds of freedom often go hand-in-hand.

There are plenty of examples of free and open software (like popular web browser Mozilla Firefox!) that’s become popular even among a non-tech-savvy crowd for its ease of use and general, well, awesomeness. But if you find your lack of technical expertise all that’s between you and a more advanced embrace of freedom, don’t panic! You almost certainly know someone among your friends or family who’s knowledgeable enough to help you get started, maybe in exchange for a little free beer (and installation is almost always the hardest part of new software, so that initial setup help is probably all you need). Or, you could look things up and develop a little more tech-savvy yourself; it’s easy for some people to get really into, and dudes and ladies really dig when other dudes and ladies can compile their own kernels (er, at least I hope they do).

Some links to get you started:

If you’re on the fence about switching operating systems, here’s some reasons LifeHacker readers chose to switch
If you’re still tied to Windows but don’t want to spend money or endure spyware just to use your computer, check out 30 pieces of free software for Windows, many of which are great replacements for expensive programs you might otherwise buy
And to purchase brand-new computers without paying the “Windows tax”, try ZaReason, where you can buy inexpensive PCs with flavors of Linux pre-installed

Balance #1: Transport

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 06:06:00 +0000

One trick that allows Aristocratic Rockstars to thrive without going completely broke is the ability to know when to go all-out, when to be extremely modest, and when to hit the sweet spot in-between. We will explore different aspects of this balance in a series of posts.

For instance, let’s look at the simple problem of transport. People often find themselves needing to get from one place to another, and most people have a default method of transit that they just use, without even thinking about it. If you live in suburban America, you probably get in your car and drive. If you live in rural Kenya, you probably walk. The idea of walking to Wal*Mart is as foreign to the suburbanite as the idea of driving to pick up some firewood is to the Kenyan. By retaining a handful of options, the Aristocratic Rockstar can behave sometimes like the suburbanite, and sometimes like the Kenyan, without batting an eye. Bikes were covered in a previous post, and are a favorite of the AR, but the list might include something as fast as a jet plane, as slow as a raft, or as unexpected as riding horseback through a major downtown street.

En route to an upset girlfriend, your local Aristocratic Rockstar might employ running, biking, and taxi-cabbing (paying a little extra to load the bike in the trunk) all in the same, fluid motion. On the way to a boring job, on the other hand, the same AR might choose a scenic walk even when everyone else is zipping along at 45 m.p.h in a big hurry to be bored. It all depends on how fast you want to get there—something rarely considered by most of the population.

Exploring the more-nuanced “sweet spot”, we could consider a large group of people traveling to a nice restaurant in the bed of a beat-up pick-up truck, complete with broken turn signals and grinding noises…and then valet parking the truck. Or we might see an AR sublet their room for a month, use the money to buy a plane ticket to Europe, and then sleep on people’s couches, behind bushes, and in youth hostels, eating salami sandwiches in beautiful parks. A particularly skilled AR might actually save money over their normal expenses by doing such a thing.

More later, gentle reader, on the balance of food, the balance of drinking, the balance of housing, and much more.

Champagne for my real friends...

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:08:00 +0000

YOU CAN DRINK CHAMPAGNE EVERY DAY—ASK ME HOW!

Thanks to the syphilitic profligacy of the French aristocracy, drinking champagne with one pinky sticking straight out has long been a mark of nobility. To judge by mainstream media coverage, it seems that only fabulously wealthy rappers and hip-hop artistes carry on this tradition, quaffing Kristal and Dom Perignon by the jeroboam.

Sir should not be fooled! While proper champagne is always produced in a certain region of France, and tends to be pretty pricey, there are plenty of other equally tongue-tingling bubblies, produced in other parts of the world, that are well within the reach of the budget-conscious rockstar.

One of the best places to shop for bubbly is Trader Joe’s. Sir should try the asti! At around $7 a bottle, sir and sir’s entourage can enjoy glass after glass of slightly cloying but remarkably smooth sweetness, swarming with delicately effervescing bubbles that rise in such a constant swarm that sir will wonder if somebody dropped Alka-seltzer into sir’s glass. The prosecco, at around $9, is less saccharine but still a bit sweeter than most dry bubblies. Their selection of dry to brut bubblies is also quite good, but none are jumping to mind as especial recommendations. Although it has its partisans, I recommend against the Freixenet.

If sir has no Trader Joe’s nearby, or if sir is the sort of Byronic aristocrat who just can’t stand its comfortable boojiness, sir should not be above picking up some Andre at sir’s local corner store. Served very well chilled, Andre’s drier varieties (starting at around $4) are perfectly palatable, and will bring that special quality that only bubbly possesses into sir’s social evenings at a price that even the noblest poverty can afford.

Some general comments about bubblies:

1) How to drink it: Of course sir should consider chugging it right out of the bottle, as such notables as Mick Jagger would no doubt recommend. If sir prefers a more conservative approach, champagne flutes or martini glasses, probably available at sir’s local thrift store, are the preferred vessels. Bubbly should always consumed well chilled; if it becomes warm, it loses its carbonation and begins to taste syrupy.

2) A rough-and-ready guide to bubbly terms: BUBBLY – wine with bubbles. also “sparkling wine.” DRY, EXTRA DRY, and BRUT – three designations of sweetness/dryness. “dry” is the sweetest (much as “tall” is the shortest Starbucks cup), “brut” is the driest. CHAMPAGNE – bubbly produced in the Champagne region of France. colloquially, any bubbly. CUVEE – a bubbly produced from a blend of different wines. PROSECCO – an Italian bubbly, usually as sweet as or sweeter than a “dry” bubbly. ASTI – a very sweet bubbly from the north of Italy. SPUMANTI – asti produced outside of the traditional asti regions. both asti and spumanti may also be labeled “moscato.” CAVA – a Spanish bubbly available in different degrees of sweetness.

Armed with this information, sir should be fully prepared to swill bubbly on a daily basis, and capable of furnishing a pleasing variety of bubblies ranging up and down the sweetness scale.

Aristocratic Rockstars Ride Bikes

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 14:59:00 +0000

What’s so rockin’ about bikes?

Aristocratic rockstars are hip people, and bikes are stylishly carbon-neutral (not to mention attractive objects on their own, and easily pimped with stickers, ribbons, you name it!). Plus, as aristocrats we should be setting a good example for those who admire us—say, by using a form of transit that’s non-polluting, non-congesting, and social.

Human-powered vehicles are also a great way to get aerobic exercise—keeping rockstars attractively healthy and in shape for those energy-intense performances.

Rockstars always have somewhere to be, and for many city errands, biking is faster than walking, taking public transit, or driving (and trying to find a parking space).

Biking is also remarkably cost-efficient. A bike requires an initial investment at the time of purchase, but maintenance is inexpensive and fuel is free. I bought my brand-new bike about seven months ago for $400, and by my calculations it’s already paid for itself in the number of public transit tickets I haven’t bought (assuming I’d otherwise be taking the T 3-4 times a week). If you can bike-commute to work or somewhere else you have to go to more frequently, your bike will pay for itself even faster—and the rest of your bike’s lifespan is pure, sweet, juicy profit.

For more information on bike commuting:

Point us at more resources for cyclists in the comments!

Welcome to Aristocratic Rockstar!

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 19:34:00 +0000

We know; you love things that are AWESOME. Things that are ROCKSTAR AWESOME, like setting a guitar on fire. Things that are ARISTOCRATIC AWESOME, like powdered wigs. Things that are ARISTOCRATIC ROCKSTAR AWESOME, like Mozart and champagne.

And we know; you might be too busy being awesome all day to make a ton of money. You might not quite have $75,000 lying around to spend on something you’re going to light on fire. Don’t worry; we’re here to help you live the aristocratic rockstar lifestyle without breaking the bank.